John Krane: News

So my favorite local band, Theodore, is playing tonight at The Gramophone in St. Louis. I thought my St. Louis friends might like to know about this show.

Theodore put out an album recently, Defeated, T.N., which is absolutely amazing. If you're around Manchester in St. Louis, you should definitely be there. Click the link above to hear them.

The album in question was written about a bunch of letters they found in a barn, apparently. It's extremely theatric, raw, beautiful, and heartbreaking. Anyways, I recommend checking them out.

Link was put up today.

If you like the album, whether you've got the free digital version or this shiny spectacular version, I would really appreciate a quick review on your blog or myspace. Every bit helps.

In other news, I will be at the Broadway Oyster Bar in St. Louis tomorrow night (Sat. the 9th) playing an intimate acoustic set with special guest Butch Zollner.
They say that this is technically a battle of the bands, but you know what? Fuck that. Let's all just get groovy.

I am in a robe chillin' out, Sam Cooke playing.

I was thinking about renting some Honeymooners and getting mad cozy with some hot toddies, even though I have no idea what those are.

How are you guys doing?

Let me know. johnkrane@johnkranemusic.com

I made the site look less stupid.
Buy my album.

Every time I post a video, traffic spikes. I don't like recording myself in videos. This is my problem right now.

Here's the Beatles "She Loves You."

Check out the new "Press" section to read some of the kind things people have been saying about Doris, Buzz and Friends.
And if you'd like to tell me what you think, please send me an email. johnkrane@johnkranemusic.com

Now shipping. Order in the "Products" section.

The CD is in an eco-friendly sleeve with brilliant artwork by Colin Cronin. It's also mastered, which the digital version is not, and in the future we'll be getting some digital content on this site that's only accessible via the barcode (so you and a few friends could order one if money's tight and just share the spoils, I don't mind that).

Some explicit lyrics. Use PayPal to buy the sucker in the "Products" section.

Oh, and it's my birthday. Feel free to email birthday wishes to johnkrane@johnkranemusic.com.

If you're over 21, come out to the Broadway Oyster Bar in St. Louis on August 9th, have some great cajun food, a fine beer, and watch me play.

I'll have CDs for sale, too.

Here are the top search strings that led to this site last month. Some of these confuse the hell out of me. I took out the ones that weren't entertaining, like "John Krane." BOOORING.

Ass beating
andrew orr scientology
best ponytail on a man
bruce willis album
george carlin images
guitar player from right
hard man with pony tail
massive forearms
men with pony tails pics

"Hard Man With Ponytail" is now my next album's name.

In news, Japanese Bat Bomb is finally getting around to putting a record together, so stay tuned for that. And watch the shows section, there are some exciting things coming up in the near future.

My band Japanese Bat Bomb is playing this Friday at Yogi's in Highland, IL (about a half an hour from St. Louis).

Free to get in, all ages (though there will be much drinking and it is advisable to be of a suitable age for such activities).

I would like to welcome the people who found this site by typing in any of the following keywords:

1. Ass beating
2. Andrew Orr Scientology
3. Man With A Ponytail
4. Bang Bros

I really hate making YouTube videos, but people watch them...that's something, right?

My band, Japanese Bat Bomb, has some shows coming up. Check them out in the "Shows" section.

These are all dates around the Saint Louis area, more to come soon, I'm sure.

Also, don't forget to buy the new album.

With a 56kpbs internet connection, the first thing I downloaded was Seven_Dirty_Words.mp3.

In the back of my parents' car on the way to every family reunion, I listened to the most disgusting, vile, and hilarious jokes ever written.

A month ago, I turned on his latest HBO special, and was as spellbound as I'd ever been.

So rather than say Rest In Peace, or anything like that, I'll just say shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits.
And tits doesn't even belong on the list.

"I have no ending for this, so I'll take a small bow."

I'm starting to direct a lot of traffic to my page on iTunes, but there aren't any reviews up for my album. So if you've got a minute, go over and review it. But give it some batshit insane review, that, while still talking about the album, just seems like a total crackhead wrote it. It has to be a little relevant or iTunes won't post it.



When you're done, send me an email at johnkrane@johnkranemusic.com and let me know which one your review was--best one gets a physical copy of the CD.

Click Here to get Doris and Buzz on iTunes. Buy however many songs you like.

Physical CD available in the Buy section, to your left there, and it'll be shipping within a few weeks.

Snazzy. Check the Pictures section for a higher resolution (and much better looking) version.

The album's up on iTunes! Download it and forward your receipt to johnkrane@johnkranemusic.com and you'll receive a link for new tracks and a link to download the superbly mastered version of the album (once it's completed, of course).

Today, we continue looking at albums that sell better than mine, while sucking harder (preorder mine HERE).
Steven Seagal, man of men.

Here is a sexless God-beast of every form of martial arts under the environmentally-friendly Sun, including some that can only be performed with a prehensile pony tail; the Gal man*, a man whose collective ass-beating talents are larger than him, that survive his numerous poor movie role choices, a man who could crap out an oil stain more manly than your manliest achievement (asking Kelly Chase out to the dance in 7th grade and pretty much straight up telling her that you like her).

He's also a guitar player. Awesome, right?

To be fair to Steven, the only reason this is a ridiculous picture is that the size of his massive tree trunk forearms dwarf the Strat he's playing. It looks the first time he frets a bar chord, he'll snap the neck in half, probably causing the strings to go flying out into the audience, directly piercing the eyes of a Republican oil company strategist and preventing evil plans to turn kindergartens into slaughterhouses for baby Jesuses.**

That's just a picture, though, and lots of artists sound amazing despite the way they look (cough, Neil Young). How does he sound?
Well, I'm glad I asked. Like this:

How is this like Judo?!! How does this make explosions?!! WHY SHOULD WE LIKE THIS, STEVEN?!!
*I call him this.
**I'm pretty sure there's at least one but probably less than three Steven Seagal movies with this exact plot.

Why should you preorder Doris, Buzz and Friends? Because it's good, dammit, and certainly better than this:

Above: the guy from Die Hard.
Bruce Willis is a fantastic actor, as long as he doesn't have to say too many words. He seems like a likable guy, despite being a Scientologist, so why hate on the Die Hard guy?

Because of this:


Bruce Willis playing the blues is kind of like when Michael Jordan decided to play baseball: he's a tall black man who changed the sport that he played and didn't do nearly as well. Or something like that.

It's not even that Bruce can't play (he can't) or that he picked ridiculous source material (he did). It's just that seeing Die Hard doing the blues, the whitest, most milquetoast blues possible, hurts. It cuts deep. It's like the opposite of that time he blew up that helicopter with a car.

But hey, that's not to downplay how awesome Die Hard was. Or how awesome it is in its edited, safe for TBS version:

The free versions of my songs have been popping up on some fantastic podcasts. And some bad ones, but let's focus on the good ones, eh.

Links are below, please support them. Maybe send an email saying that you like it when they play the funkiness that is my tunes.

High Orbit
DaleCast
MPFreeB

If any of you have a podcast, radio show, or blog, please help me promote the album.

Speaking of which, I just heard the first mastered version of Cal Ripken, and a good mastering engineer really makes a huge difference.

The free version will stay free, but if you like it I'd really recommend preordering the physical version. It's going to sound a lot better. I'm also working on something special for the pre-order folks, hint hint.

Today I began to prepare myself dinner, a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, when I noticed that my dishes were dirty so I made a game where I would get a piece of bacon for every two dishes cleaned. Then I realized I was rewarding myself with bacon.

but then I knew that there was nothing wrong with that

and speaking of things I do bored, check out the video for Doris Buzz.

New update to the Music section, you can download or stream any of the songs from the new album (still unmastered, of course). Lyrics are also up for all songs.

My band Japanese Bat Bomb plays at the Way Out Club in Saint Louis tonight at 9 o'clock. It's our drummer Andy Orr's birthday. Come on out.

Check out the "Buy" tab on the side to preorder the new album for $9.95. Check out the "Links" section to download an advance version for free (some slight changes may be made for the final, mastered version).

I don't know about the barbed wire on the side of the page, before you ask, it came like that.

Hey, guys, and welcome to the new johnkranemusic.com. I'm still setting up a lot of stuff, but this will be my main way to give yaway free stuff and info about myself and the band. Be sure to join the mailing list--all free giveaways will work through it. Link in your upper right hand corner.