John Krane: Home

Haiti needs help right now, and if you're not Pat Robertson or Rush Limbaugh, you've probably got enough of a heart to want to help. For whatever reason, though, you might not have gotten the opportunity. I know how it is.

But check it out, here's a website you can go to in order to make a donation: Operation Smile.
Go there and donate anything--anything at all--and forward the receipt to johnkrane at gmail dot com, and I'll send you a track from my upcoming album and add your name to the liner notes. Just to make it fun, the amount you donate will correspond to the size of the text. So if you donate $1,000, the entire album cover will pretty much be your name.

Please help the people if you can.

Part of my routine with this website is to check for new links, as they let me brag about good reviews and cry in the shower about bad ones.

I ran across a Spanish website today that linked to the main page here. One poster copied the DB album cover (without the title of the album, of course, no sense in crediting an image you're stealing):

And another promptly posted:


As one commenter put it: "ajjajja, qué brutal, Scrapp".

But that is so awesome. I just wish I knew who the water-drinking guy is. My hope is that he's the Spanish, water-drinking, tubby form of Brad Pitt with a longer wiener who makes more money.

Alas, I unfortunately look a lot more like the kid from Bruce Almighty, a movie made famous by nobody seeing it. I give you Johnny Simmons:

And me:

_{Lettuce pray.}
I decided to fly out to Johnny Simmons house this week. Our exchange:

JS: Did you have to knock so hard, Jesus, my mom's gonna...holy crap, you're ugly!
ME: Hey, same to you. I'm you from the future!
JS: What? No you're not!
ME: Yes I am.
JS: Prove it.
ME: OK, fine, let's see...you're going through awkward times and you have acne. You have sex in cars and you don't like your parents.
JS: Oh my god...it's uncanny...
ME: Also, your penis is enormous.
JS: What? Not really.
ME: Then you must tell people that it is enormous. Start thinking of metaphors.
JS: This doesn't make any sense...
ME: Like, my penis is like the swine flu on super-steroids, because it's big enough t---
JS: Ok, ok, why are you here?
ME: I'm here to warn you, Johnny Simmons.
JS: Is it about my pubis?
ME: No, that is fine. In fact, it is enormous, too. I have come here to warn you about starring in Evan Almighty. You must not do this.
JS: Uh....I was already in that. I didn't exactly star. But that was 2007.
ME: Then I am...too late...oh, Lord, let my enormous penis save me from this!
JS: You're not really me from the future.
ME: Yes, I am! Now away, in my Back To The Future style car!
JS: That's not a DeLorean. That's not even your car. That's one of mine. Give it back.
ME: Did you have sex in it?
JS: No.
ME: Then goodbye! Away I must go! To, the, Future!
JS: And I saw you slip your album into my mailbox. Take that out. I'm not listening to that crap. I saw what they wrote on the Spanish discussion boards.
ME: Maybe you should go star in more family-friendly Apocalypse films.
JS: It's, like, so obvious you didn't see the movie.
ME: It's so obvious you don't read your scripts.
JS: At least I can book time in a real recording studio.
ME: Well, it's been nice chatting with you, Mr. Johnny Simmons. Any last words?
JS: EVERYONE SHOULD BUY YOUR ALBUM BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME! ALSO NILSSON COVER!!

Meanwhile, new album's on track for a possible December release. We'll keep you updated.

Not like the Staind song.

So, what has I been up to? Studying grammar of mine, to be sure. Also, working on my new album, Sun Dog, which will have a killer song up here very soon.

I'm also issuing a call: anyone who wants to be on this album can. You don't have to be very good at an instrument (hell, I'm not), you just have to have an idea. Email me at johnkrane at johnkranemusic dot com if you've got recording equipment and you want to be part of an epic CD, or if you're around the St. Louis area and want to drop by to record something.

Of course, I have final call on how the sounds are used on the CD, but no one cannot contribute. I'm especially looking for a good female singer and any concert instruments.

The response so far on my Facebook page (add me by searching John Krane on Facebook) has been pretty spectacular. Tentatively, this album will involve a full set o strings, numerous bassists and guitarists and drummers, Polish lyrics, Polish singers, clarinets, flutes, odd ambient sounds, and more. Get in on it.